How to respect your parents

How to respect your parents

Introduction:

There are many days set aside in non-Islamic societies to honour and appreciate special people; examples of these are Father's Day, Mother's Day, Memorial Day and Labour Day. In Islam, however, respecting, honouring and appreciating parents is not just for a single day of the year, but rather for each and every day.

B. Parents in the Quran:

A Muslim child should respect and appreciate his or her parents on a daily basis. Allaah mentions that human beings must recognise their parents and that this is second only to the recognition of Allaah Himself. Throughout the Quran, we notice that parents are mentioned with appreciation and respect, even if they are senile. In the Quran, there is a very beautiful description of how parents are to be treated; Allaah Says (what means): "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] 'uff' [i.e., an expression of irritation or disapproval] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'" [Quran 17:23-24]

The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Quran eleven times; in every instance, Allaah reminds children to recognise and to appreciate the love and care that they have received from their parents. One such example is when Allaah says what means: "And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents…" [Quran 29:8 & 46:15]

1. The demand for recognising parents is made more emphatic when Allaah Says (what means): "And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them]: 'Do not worship except Allaah; and to parents, do good…'" [Quran 2:83]

2. Allaah again emphasises in chapter An-Nisaa' that children should be kind to their parents. He says what means: "Worship Allaah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good..." [Quran 4:36]

3. In Chapter Al-An'aam, Allaah reemphasises that people should be kind to their parents; He says what means: "Say: 'Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment...'" [Quran 6:151]

C. Mothers:

Although Islam recognises both parents, mothers are given particular gratitude and respect. This can be appreciated if we reflect upon the hardships and suffering that mothers experience in their lives. In this regard, there is a Hadeeth of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) : It was narrated by Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him that a man came to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and asked him: 'Who is most deserving of my close companionship?' He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) replied: “Your mother; your mother; your mother; then your father; then the next closest to you in kinship; then the one next closest.”

Islam has endorsed respect for parents by their children, even if the parents are non-Muslims. If parents strive to convert their children to non-Islamic beliefs, the children should not obey them, but must still maintain goodness towards them. In this regard, Allaah says what means: "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is two years. Be grateful to Me and your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavour to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do." [Quran 31:14-15]

D. More Respect:

Islam teaches us that of the most beloved deeds to Allaah, having respect for one's parents is second only to that of prayer and is greater than that of Jihaad (fighting in His cause). In this respect, Abu 'Abdur-Rahmaan 'Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood may Allaah be pleased with him narrated the following: "I asked the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ): 'Which deed is the most beloved to Allaah?' He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) replied: "Prayers performed on time." I then asked: 'Which one is next?' He replied: "Goodness to parents." I then asked: 'Which is next?' He replied: "Jihaad in the path of Allaah.""

In Islam, respect for parents is so great that the child and his wealth are considered to be the property of the parents: `Aa’ishah may Allaah be pleased with her narrated that a man came to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) in order to resolve a dispute that he had with his father regarding a loan he had given him. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said to the man: "You and your wealth are to (i.e., the property of) your father."

E. Final Remarks:

We hope and pray that all of us will respect our parents while they are alive and after their death. One can honour his parents after their death through the following methods:

1. Performing daily Du'aa' (supplication) for them.

2. Giving charity on their behalf.

3. Instituting a perpetual charity on their behalf, such as a mosque, an Islamic Centre, an Islamic library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, etc.

4. Performing Hajj on their behalf, or asking someone to do so.

5. Distributing Islamic literature on their behalf.

Let us pray to Allaah that we do our best to respect our parents, honour them, be kind to them, assist them, and please them so that we may attain the love of Allaah.

O Allaah! Accept our humble prayers and make us obedient slaves to You.

O Allaah! Help us to be respectful children to our parents. Aameen.

By: Dr Ahmad H. Sakr

A husband's responsibilities towards his family

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.

Etiquettes pertaining to the Husband

1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.

2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extends a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.

3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islam.

4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in Islam.

6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.

7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begin demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that do not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of Islam or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality. He should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which are definitely pleasing to him.

9. Do not let Ramadhaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadhaan is only sexual intercourse. Showing affection to one’s wife during Ramadhaan can be done during the night and if during the day (while they are fasting), it can be done by other than kissing and huging.

10. Do not chase after the small errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life.

11. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

12. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Islam, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the only reason that causes you to become angry.

13. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.

14. Do not attempt to meddle into your wife’s housework affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house because woman like to put their personal touch on the house (her kingdom).

15. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

16. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife after having adviced her and she didn’t respond, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names.

17. Having jealousy and caring about the bashfulness of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

18. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

19. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

20. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

21. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

22. Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. This applies on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in Islam, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).

23. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you.

24. Be prompt in fulfilling the conditions, which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement.

25. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech.

26. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

27. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman. 

 

The significance of obedience to parents

Islam builds a family in which prevails mutual respect and care. Parents and children in Islam are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal arrangements. Allaah Says (what means): “…No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child…” [Quran 2: 233]

The Quran has made it compulsory for the child to treat his parents with all goodness and mercy.

Every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. There is only one exception to this, and that is, if the parents ask their children to associate anything with Allaah and to commit sins, then the children must not obey their parents. In all cases, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents. They must always speak to them gently and respectfully. They must try their best to make them happy, provided they do not disobey Allaah in the process.

Allaah says (what means): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Quran 31:15]

Being patient and tolerant with parents:

The children must take great care not to react to what their parents have to say. If they say or do anything which is not liked or approved of by the children, then they must show patience and tolerance instead of giving vent to their anger. The children must scrupulously try to refrain from disobeying their parents since the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) regarded this as one of the grave sins.

Supplicating for them:

Far from showing signs of displeasure, the children must pray for them saying, as Allaah teaches us in the verse (which means): "…My Lord and Sustainer! Be kind and have mercy on them as they cherished, nurtured and sustained me in childhood.” [Quran 17: 24]

We must continue praying for them even after they die. Such prayer will be regarded as a continuous charity as the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa salllam, told us.

The greater right of the mother:

The children must be kinder and more grateful to their mothers since they took greater pains in their upbringing. That is why the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) emphasized that it is the mother who has the first claim on the child's care and attention.

Once a companion may Allaah be pleased with him asked the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) as to whom he should show more kindness. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) replied: "Your mother." He may Allaah be pleased with him asked who comes next and the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) again replied: "Your mother." He may Allaah be pleased with him asked the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) yet again who comes next. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) replied: “Your mother." When the companion may Allaah be pleased with him asked for the fourth time, only then did the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) reply: "Your father."

Recognizing their great status:

The Muslim should recognize the status of the parent and know his duties towards them. The status of parents in Islam is a status which mankind had not known before. Allaah Has placed the respect for the parents just one step below the belief in Allaah and true worship of Him.

Allaah says (what means): “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran 17: 23]

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) placed kindness and respect towards parents just after the prayer offered on time as the prayer is the foundation of Islam.

‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood may Allaah be pleased with him said: “I asked the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) which deed is most liked by Allaah? He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: ‘Prayer offered on time.’ I asked him: ‘Then what? He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: ‘Kindness and respect towards parents.’…” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Knowing the duties towards them:

It is also the duty of the child to provide for his parents, if he is able to do so. The Quran sums up the whole matter in a master concept called Ihsaan, which denotes what is right, good and beautiful (i.e. showing to them kindness, compassion, gratitude, reverence and respect, praying for them and supporting them financially if they are in need.)

Concluding, we mention a verse that shows the significance of obedience and gratitude due to parents: Allaah says (what means): “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” [Quran 31:14]

 

Posted by Bait Muslim UnitY