Friday, August 31, 2012

How To Get People To Agree With You



The secret of success in how to get people to agree with you lies in how you approach and talk to them. There are some simple techniques you can learn, some based on the psychologically well respected method of neurolinguistic programming.

You can use these techniques to get people to agree with you, whether that is in negotiating a pay rise, selling your house or in any other situation where you need to get people on your side.

Bear in mind it is advisable to use these techniques with integrity. You can do this by ensuring the other person is happy to agree with you after you steer them in that direction. Using these techniques without compassion and a genuine concern for others is not only of dubious moral intent but also a recipe for a subsequent backlash when the other person feels forced into doing what they didn`t completely agree with.

To sum up, use these techniques with compassion for others and you can quickly reach agreements that are good for you AND good for the other person. Let`s explore the first technique now…


This neurolinguistic programming method is about laying the groundwork for getting people to agree with you. First, ask the person you want to agree with you a few closed questions that require a yes or no answer. Make sure you include some questions where they need to answer no, too.

When they give you a ‘yes’ answer, reward them with a warm smile. Also, make some kind of subtle gesture; it doesn’t matter what the gesture is; it can be something as touching your chin with your finger. Alternatively, when you get a ‘no’ answer, do not smile; retain a serious look and give a different gesture which cannot be mistaken for the other gesture you give for ‘yes’ answers.
This will have anchored the positive and negative responses in your audience’s mind. Now you are ready to ask the important question to which you want a ‘yes’ answer. As you ask, use the gesture you used for ‘yes’ answers. This should have resonance in the subconscious mind of the person of whom you are asking the question and they should be pre-programmed to say ‘yes’.


These are a very powerful aspect of neurolinguistic programming.
Presuppositions involve you presupposing what an outcome will be as if it was a foregone conclusion. Phrases like ‘before we sign on the deal, would you care for a drink?’ are really useful. It presents a choice, although the two aspects of the apparent choice are not in any way linked. You are steering them in the right direction for what you want.

Of course, you will need to make the supposition of the contract being signed more than once in the conversation. But once you have done this a few times, so long as you don’t scare the other person off by being too blatant, their subconscious mind will accept that they have reached that conclusion you seek. It will seem like it is what you both wanted all along.

There are a few different presuppositions that you can use:


“Do you want to go for a drink or for dinner on Saturday” presupposes that you will indeed be going out on Saturday, as you wanted to.

Numeric Indicators

“Do you want to go to the gallery first or to the studio?” presupposes that you will be going to both places without sounding too pushy.

Timed suppositions

Here, words such as ‘now’, ‘after’ and ‘then’ etc. are used. So, you could say “Would you like me to give you my number now or when we leave?” Either way, they’re getting your number!

Time can be twisted too, so that your presuppositions are more subtle when they need them to be. So, for instance, you could ask, “Should we finish our drinks here or out on the balcony?” That shows the presupposition that the other person will want to remain in your company.

These should be all the neurolinguistic programming techniques with which you need to familiarise yourself in order to get people to agree with you.

Presuppositions are powerful tools that can be used with subtlety to reach agreement easily with someone. They are particularly effective if you have set the scene with some anchoring, too.

How to Get People to Appreciate You

There is nothing worse than feeling that other people don’t appreciate the efforts that you make at work, or the favours that you do for your friends and family. It makes you feel under-valued.
Here are some suggestions on how to get people to appreciate you at work.

1. First of all, learn to appreciate yourself.

The way that you regard yourself will usually set the standard for how other people see you. Start by recognising your own good qualities, and be aware of your worth. This will help to build up your confidence and self esteem, which will make people sit up and notice you more.

If you perceive any weaknesses in yourself, try to work on overcoming them. If necessary, take some night classes or ask your supervisor if you can undertake staff training to improve your skills.

2. Secondly, make sure that you are not alienating your boss and colleagues by your attitude

Don’t be negative, as this creates a bad atmosphere and will certainly put people off you. Even if other people are moaning and complaining, try not to get sucked into it. You never know if something negative that you say will get back to your manager.
Do not join in with office gossip either.

3. Also, try not to hang about or pester people too much when they are trying to get on with their work

We all need help and advice sometimes, but you will certainly not be appreciated if you can’t do anything on your own initiative. If you do have a serious problem with your work, go straight to your supervisor or manager and ask for their assistance.

Believe it or not, your boss will appreciate this more than if you did something wrong and wasted company time and money.

4. Show your supervisor or manager that you are reliable and hard-working.

Always come in to work punctually, and don’t take unauthorised days off. Don’t sneak off to the restroom or elsewhere outside of break times, or slip out of work early because you’ve got a date.

Be willing to work a little overtime if you are asked, as this will make a good impression.

5. You can add to this good impression by being well organised
Each day, make a list of all the tasks that you have to do and then prioritise them. You may need to be flexible if other, more urgent jobs crop up during the day, but at least nothing will be forgotten.

If you want your boss to appreciate you, make sure that you always submit your work on schedule, and that it is of a satisfactory standard.

6. Sometimes it is good office politics to let someone else take the credit for your ideas or work

We all know that you are the one who really deserves the merit, but if you let your supervisor or line manager get the credit for a job well done, they will appreciate you all the more for it.

7. In order to get your work colleagues to appreciate you, you should always be willing to help out, even if it sometimes means giving up your lunch break.

Try to become a good listener when your workmates have problems, and never, ever betray their confidence.

8. You should also encourage the other people you work with, and praise their efforts.

Remember that they want to be appreciated just as much as you do, and by making them feel better about themselves, they will also feel better about you.

9. You can also work on getting your company’s clients to appreciate you

You can do this by being helpful, polite and giving them a high standard of service. Often, you will find that the client will praise you to your supervisor or line manager if you have been particularly helpful, and that will earn your boss’ appreciation for improving the public image of the business.

10. Try to make yourself indispensable

Make sure that you always have all the information about your current project to hand, get to know all of the regular clients, and always keep your eyes open for opportunities to make the company more efficient or more economical.

To sum up, if you want to know how to get people to appreciate you at work, be organised, efficient, courteous and helpful. Don’t just put in the minimum amount of effort to get the job done, but go the extra mile and give your company added value.

How To Get People To Be On Time

 It can be infuriating when people are tardy and don’t arrive at meetings or social engagements on time. It can make the people who did manage to attend on time feel disrespected and undervalued, even if that kind of feeing is not in the heart of the latecomer.

Often, also, you find that the latecomers are the same people every time.

This problem can also spread; if a team at work see that meetings are continually held back for five minutes to allow for the usual suspects to turn up late, they start to get the idea that they can also turn up late too, and then the problem, escalates.

However, you can adopt some simple strategies in answer to the big question: how to get people to be on time?

1. Make punctuality important

The same people who are late for an office meeting that they know will be held up for them perhaps wouldn’t dream of turning up late to the theatre or cinema. Maybe that’s because they know that these events won’t wait for them. So, make your event is one that won’t be held up for a latecomer either.

You can do this in all kinds of situations. For instance, if you have arranged to meet a friend outside the theatre, and they are late, text the friend to say you’ve gone into the bar to grab a drink. That way, your own evening has got off to a pleasant start and you’re not just hanging around waiting for them.

Added to that, and particularly linked to meetings, is that you must make them useful. If nothing gets decided at your meetings and they are unstructured and confused, there is no real incentive for people to be punctual.

2. Set a reasonable time

People aren’t superhuman. If you set a time for a meeting or outing when the people you want to attend will be busy with other things, you are setting yourself up to fail. If you want people to be on time, try to set a mutually convenient time.

3. Once you’ve agreed a time, stick to it

If you say that the meeting will be 1pm or that you will meet them outside the theatre at 7pm, do it. Be there yourself. And if they are late, move on: start the meeting or go into the theatre bar to wait for them there. That minimises the inconvenience to you, and lets them know you are serious about punctuality.

A five minute wait to allow for traffic or unforeseen hold-ups is excusable, a 20 minute wait while they gussied up or gathered together their work papers they didn’t organise early enough is not.

4. Convey your expectations

If you say the meeting will start at 1pm, do you mean that is when people should start to arrive at 1pm for coffee and networking? Or does it mean that is when you will be getting down to the business of the meeting.

You can very easily make this clear in an email: “Refreshments 12.30-13.00. Meeting starts 13.00 prompt” or “Delegates should arrive by 1pm. There will then follow an informal meet and greet session after which we will commence the meeting.”

You can’t be disappointed in people not meeting your expectations if you don’t make it clear what those expectations are.

5. Make lateness visible

This may sound like a punishment and perhaps it is, but then latecomers to meetings perhaps deserve some kind of punishment. It is work, after all!

So, as a latecomer arrives, you may greet them, in a friendly tone, which adds a slightly pointed comment: “Oh hello; come in. I’m afraid you missed getting everyone’s names but I’m sure you’ll catch up!”

Maybe that slight embarrassment they should feel will make them think twice about being late next time! So, by setting clear and reasonable expectations of punctuality, you can deal effectively with the issue of how to get people to be on time.


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